Currently Playing Closer By Josh Groban see related

- Remember When it Rained

Ten first sentences to possible future stories:

1: In France, It'll set you back 500 Francs to dispose of a corpse.

2: Until last summer, I'd never seen another man naked.

3: Some people are afraid of snakes, or guns, or water; for me, it's giraffes.

4: As he lay there, strapped to the table, waiting for the injection to take effect, Jesse had an opportunity to reflect on all that had happened in the last 72 hours to put him into this situation.

5: Everyone's got a vice, a guilty pleasure; mine's murder.

6: The summer I spent picking grapes with illegal Mexicans in the vinyards of California, I learned about a lot more than gardening.

7: The last time Gerald had done cocaine was at a Fleetwood Mac concert in 1982.

8: Jeff should have known better than to come out of the closet at his sister's wedding.

9: Whoever said, "Moments before you die, your life passes before your eyes," had it backwards.

10: It takes a special disposition to prefer the company of a transvestite to being alone; last week, Dean was of that disposition.

number one: 

so who defines happiness?  is their some standard for it to which the entire world is held?  i say that there is not.  i say that happiness is completely subjective.  based on past experiences, one evaluates one's current situation and one decides where it falls on the scale set by the past experiences.

based on my circumstances, many people scrutinize me and the man i am today and the things i've done in my life.  they look at what they know about me and they try to find out more about me and my past based on my current situation.  they say that i did what i did as a man because of an unhappy childhood and adolescence.  but i disagree.  while i agree that my childhood may have seemed, by society's standards, unliveable, i knew no other life as a child, and so, for me, it was every bit as happy as the rest of society.

to put it into simpler terms, suppose that for your entire life, the only thing you eat is crap.  if this is all you know, then you will have no way of knowing that crap tastes bad.  you might know that some crap tastes worse than other crap, but, in the long run, all you will know is that you eat crap, and that, for better or worse, it tastes fine to you.

all of this is to say that the things i've done in my life are not a direct reflection of my childhood.  while i'll admit that i might not have done them had i not been raised in the manner that i was, i also don't claim that what i did was out of bitterness or spite or even revenge. 

no, what i did, i did for control.  it has always been about control.  even now, as i sit and tell you about my life, i do it only for the control it gives me.  now, i'm not saying that i can make you do something you might not have done, or that i am now forcing you to involuntarily read on; i'm only saying that one of you who read this, and maybe even more than one, will be affected by its message, and that puts me in control. 

but i've said too much.  i don't want to give away the ending so soon.  and i don't want you to think you know everything about me until i allow you to know everything about me.

*note...this is fiction*